Self Forgiveness

Hello everyone!

My goodness, it has been some time, but it feels amazing to be back on here! I hope that you have all been well. That you are enjoying your seasons, wherever they may be at this very moment.  

I have been experiencing so much change and growth in my life as I greet the autumn here in Seattle. I think that all of life tends to shift quite a bit and often, but lately, I have experienced visualizations come true.  I will explain more in Thursday’s podcast, but long story short, I moved into a new apartment after 7 years! I have entered into a beautiful partnership, and have been finding and experiencing new ways to expand my coastal clean ups. Now that I have settled into my beautiful new home, I find myself reflecting on all the growth I have experienced in witnessing these changes.

Though it is our nature to change, to flow through life, it can have moments of uncomfortability. Sometimes I go through moments after manifesting something major, and suddenly feel unworthy of letting all the beautiful things in.  But as I grow, I understand that when we hinder ourselves from accepting what we have created and is mirroring us, we resist our growth, our expansion and all the love we are deserving of. This often stems from old cycles of thought we are living, those unworthy statements we often repeat to ourselves when it all seems too good to be true.  The truth is, it is never too good to be true, but when we allow that thought to perpetuate our emotions, it almost always ends up seeming so. 

So how do we remove these thoughts? We become present. We enjoy it all in that moment and fear less about what could happen.  But this isn’t always that easy. As I have said many times before, love takes practice. It takes the openness to grow and let go. 

I have found that the best way I can do this is by first forgiving my negative cycles of thought, along with the experiences and people who may have been part of what created them.  But most importantly, forgiving myself, which is exactly what I want to talk about today.

Why is it so difficult to forgive ourselves?

Why do we forgive others and forget to forgive ourselves?

I have struggled with this often in my human experience. But one thing I have come to realize is that it isn’t so much that we aren’t willing to forgive ourselves, but that we are living with a conditioned mind.  Since we were young, we have been told to identify with what is right and wrong. And though many of these lessons are meant with the intention to keep us safe, they too create deep feelings of guilt, shame, and letting that dictate whether or not we feel deserving.  I know we have all had moments where we wish we didn’t say or do something, and we sit in that for days, months, or even years. Or we think that we must pay a consequence as a punishment for our actions. We forget that we are human and have all made mistakes. That even those who teach us aren’t perfect. So we start playing those scenarios over and over, become emotionally attached to it, and carry it through our life, Instead of understanding that it too is life unfolding.  Instead of witnessing it as something to grow from. We start to numb these thoughts with more vices, and can dig ourselves pretty deep. We feel that we are in the wrong and inevitably, the thought pattern turns into, “I am not deserving of a great love”, “I am not good enough”, “I am far too broken”, “It’ll go bad eventually”,“I am an awful person.” By holding these thoughts in our minds and hearts, we cannot be present in a state of joy and acceptance. We resist the love that we are and that wants to reach us. I have done this many times, but there is wonderful news! 

As the creative source that you are, and were created by, you have all the power in the world to change these patterns 🙂

So how do we begin to forgive ourselves? 

First, we must be willing. It is our own decision to be willing.

I often recount this as a commitment I am making. A commitment to wanting to feel and witness my worthiness. And as with anything we commit our energy to, our relationships or dreams, we must find ways to nurture and honor our self forgiveness.  

In this lifetime, you are human. You have a mind and sometimes that mind runs in a direction that doesn’t serve your highest. And it is okay. Because you are still nature, with a beautiful ability to create within. You are still made of stars, and floating on a planet in the middle of the Milky Way.  

Only we know what will serve us and help us let go of our old thought patterns, which is also the most fun and loving part about letting go.  For me, it is my daily meditation, my daily moment with myself to tap into my nature and recount what I am grateful for. It is my daily moment with the earth, feet planted, and looking up into the trees or out at the water, to remind me of what I am. To remind me that I don’t have to identify so heavily with what I am carrying and to let it all go. It is getting up early to shoot the sunrise or chasing sunsets when I make the time. 

These practices don’t have to serve any other purpose, other than to bring you to a place of your own light, love, and presence.  

When we feel good, when we are able to become aware of what we are, we can more easily approach our old patterns with love, understanding, and the willingness to forgive. When I come to a place of peace, I then sit and think about what is making me feel guilty or unworthy.  Often when I know I am not forgiving myself or others, it feels incredibly uncomfortable. I now understand that it feels uncomfortable because it feels wrong. And that if it feels wrong, there must be an underlying guilt. So I then look at the guilt. I think, why do I feel guilty? Is it because I know I hurt someone else or I feel wronged by someone else? Maybe I knew better and didn’t follow my heart at that moment and now I am afraid of what others will say or think.  Or I let someone in who hurt me in the end and am having a deep resentment towards them. See the momentum I’m talking about? When I am at peace, I can witness all of this, and then choose that very moment, to let it go. Because at the end of the day, it is not so much what happens, but how we choose to process it in the flow of our life. When I am in a state of peace, I can feel better about letting go and why I am doing so. For my well being, for my health, and to make room for the love that is waiting. It is easier then to believe my affirmations of “I am worthy of love.” or “I forgive this entirely and let it go.”, “I forgive this person and wish them love.” , “I forgive myself for that moment and choose to see my light now.”  Be easy on yourself if you go down the rabbit hole instead, because that might happen every now and then too. (We’re human consciousness remember? It happens.) Be easy. Be gentle. There is a huge difference between feeling our emotions and letting them carry us into a place where we forget our wonder. 

Witness what has already happened. Witness that it is uncomfortable. Witness that it may be a cycle. Witness it as the past. And choose to let it stay there. And forgive yourself for it was a choice you made in a moment, not the entirety of your life. Honor yourself for sitting with it and for being willing.

If others knew they were the universe, and completely in alignment with their nature, their love, they would not act in a way that hurts others. And this goes for us too. So forgive them and most importantly, yourself. There is nothing outside of you that can forgive you, it must come from yourself first. The universe can mirror that in all the ways that speak to your heart.   

Isn’t it amazing that being in a state of our own peace can allow us to shift the energy of our guilt and turn it into forgiveness, peace, and an open heart to receive?

It truly does begin within.  In the universe you are.

To receive the beauty of life, to receive love, we must forgive.

Forgiveness is letting go. 

Forgiveness is choosing to stand in our worthiness. 

Forgiveness is learning and growing. 

Forgiveness is the first step in letting our new life unfold, the one we came here for. 

You are worthy of opening your heart to your human experience.

The choice, the power, the willingness is within you.

For you are all that is.

I hope this finds you well and brings you light.

Love and Light,

Stefani  

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