Lately, I have come to a big realization about a cycle I have had my whole life. This thought cycle that love (peace, happiness, acceptance) doesn’t require practice. At the beginning of the journey in my spirit, things seemed to flow quite easily. I remember feeling like I had entered an entirely different world. One I had once dreamed of. I felt peaceful often, noticed a change in the world around me, felt truly present to the life flowing through me. It was the most beautiful bliss to witness.
And it felt effortless.
I just woke up feeling free, creative, inspired, and accepting of myself and others. I do know that this was the time I began to really let go and went plant based, but I also remember it all coming to me with ease. That’s when I truly fell in love with the Earth and life changed. This was also over two years ago.
The more I talk to others about their awakenings, or moments of enlightenment and nirvana, they share some of the exact same stories. They recount these times as a complete state of bliss that lasted months. And they express that this euphoria makes a visit every now and then. But the more I understand my pattern and talk with others, it seems we get quite addicted to that euphoria of peace that existed in another time. We tend to reach for this place long after. And when we don’t get there, and it doesn’t feel effortless, we get frustrated and begin a cycle of thinking we need to get back there to feel loving and loved again.
This is possibly one of the toughest things I have witnessed on my journey and in my presence. There is nothing worse than feeling like you set yourself free, only to feel like you’ve lost your footing because of the conditions you are putting on yourself. A few months ago, I decided to just let go of this idea that I needed to get “back there” and decided to “be here.” This has in no way been easy, in fact, I am still learning each day how to let go a little more.
The best thing I am learning, is that just like anything we are passionate about, whether it be gardening, writing, art, music, we must practice, and often. We are called to be patient when we expand in these passions, because we understand we can’t be the greatest over night. It requires dedication and it requires us to be present. And sometimes its not always easy, or it tests our patience, but we keep doing it, because that’s what we love.
Our love for ourselves, others, the planet, and all of creation is no different. If we want to be able to let go easier, if we want to love unconditionally, if we want a peaceful environment for ourselves, we must dedicate our lives to the moments that make us feel this way. There will always be bumps in the road, but if we accept them as detours and teachings and know how to navigate through them, we take our power back and we move forward in our light.
There is no magical place we need to get back to, or anything we need to reach for. When we feel free, we feel loved, abundant, grateful, and present to enjoy what is.
So the most important question to ask ourselves often, every night and every morning is, how can I feel free, loved, abundant, grateful, and present to enjoy what is?
Is it continuing through our negative thought patterns or watching something that will make us laugh?
Is it telling ourselves we are not enough and wishing for someone else’s life or is it taking a stand in that moment to touch our hearts and repeat, “I love and approve of myself. I love and approve of myself.” until we feel it?
Is it holding a grudge or forgiving and then calling someone who does love and care about you?
Is it sitting in this conditioning that loneliness hurts, or looking up at the sky and remembering that every bit of existence is made of the same thing, and you have never been and never will be alone?
Is it holding in the love you have for someone in fear that they’ll run away or telling them how you feel and trusting that life will continue to unfold anyway?
Is it listening to a song that will keep you replaying a bad moment in your head or dancing in your room to something upbeat?
Is it continuing to complain about our circumstances day in and day out, or sitting down to meditate and remembering what we are for a moment?
Is it hating our job, or finding the things we are grateful for about it?
I have asked myself these questions many times before, and many times, the choice to choose the best feeling thought is the hardest thing to do. But when we really ask ourselves, what can I do for myself that I know will make me feel good in this moment? We find that it becomes easier and easier to choose the choice that will give us a feeling of love and joy.
There are days where I have to force myself to sit in meditation even if I don’t want to. There are nights where I look up at the moon and wonder what this whole thing means. There are moments that I have to cry something out in order to process it and THEN pick the funny video or Infinite Waters video to watch. But surrendering to the flow and accepting that this life will always be changing and it will always be my choice is my freedom. The euphoria I once endeavored to return to is now a constant in my heart. It is here to stay, and it is so much better than what I thought I had back then. And I am sure that what is to come is even greater.
This is when life doesn’t have to look a certain way for us to be peaceful. We begin to understand the choice is always within. And from there, our universe can expand and change our course for us.
When we feel love, love is present.
When we feel fear, fear is present.
This is the power of the present.
You were born free. You were born with this brilliant and beautiful mind. A pumping heart, and a choice. We have all gotten caught up in the conditioning and it is completely okay. As long as we know that this is where that stops and life gets to become what we choose.
But one of the most important things I do want to leave you with is this: don’t ever get too hard on yourself for choosing the other route, the one that doesn’t feel good. Because that guilt in itself turns into a frequency we really don’t deserve to welcome into our lives. We learn from these choices, we set ourselves free by learning from the wrong ones. This is the beauty of our human existence. We are nature among nature. There is no place we are to be going or need to get to. We are here to be life happening right now.
You are the universe love.
You are all of it and you deserve love.
You are worthy of love.
You deserve love.
You are love.
Always and forever.
Love and Light,