Hello sweet beings, I hope your October is off to a beautiful start and the season changes arrive with love.
As it gets colder here in the city, I have been reflecting a lot on the teachings of September. It feels like it completely flew by and I actually felt uncomfortable with that. Though I spent a lot of time with Earth and had many beautiful adventures, I felt a nagging energy that was keeping me from enjoying fully: human stress. I was so concerned with finding a new place and job that I felt my being in a place of pressure, negative self talk, and fear. I wasn’t paying attention to the slow move of clouds and sun and that felt odd.
My mind kept running with questions like,
“How will you afford rent if you don’t find a new job?”
“Where will you live?”
“Will you have to leave your pets with someone else?”
And thoughts saying,
“You should have thought more about this.”
“You’re not being responsible.”
“You need a lot of money to make this work.”
As energy goes where your mind and feelings go, this expanded into a wave of depression and anxiety for me. Though I have known these quite well in the past, it felt uncomfortable to know I wasn’t trusting myself, the universe, or life. My daily meditations felt clouded by my running mind. I felt the energy I was radiating create resistance. Like any human, when I get too caught up in the expectations of others, I lose grip of MY dreams, MY living, MY breathing.
It’s October 1st now and I am sitting in my old apartment, a renewed lease (But the ability to trade it in for van life when I find my van!), and a job. Free of my depression and anxiety again. This is the wave of living a human life. We must ride through these waves of human conditioning but I do believe it gets easier as we begin to trust more. I believe this helped things work out last-minute. Is it the van life in nature I want yet? Not quite, but it is allowing me to open my heart to receiving it soon. What bliss and excitement! 🙂
I share this story because I want to share the practice that truly helps me return to my higher self. When the last thing I want to do is sit or be…
I become still.
There was a moment in this stress that I broke down and felt anger, fear, sadness and all of my physical pain. In that moment, I wanted so badly to choose the route my human self is used to. The one that finds anything, including myself to blame.
But I chose and continue to choose stillness. I chose to take a moment to stop every single thing I was doing and thinking about in that moment. I sat in meditation for two hours in that moment. In those two hours, I felt fully connected for about 15 minutes, but that was enough to get me back to my heart. I chose to see that connection as a gift of peace. From that meditation forward, I removed the things that were hurting me and distracting me from my stress. I continued to get out in nature, but made sure I was mindful of it. I surrendered to the adventure. I started turning my talk and thoughts back into,
“You are loved.”
“You are enough.”
“This is exactly where you should be.”
“This opportunity is beautiful.”
“You are growing from this.”
A few days later, I get an email to renew my lease; the opportunity to stay in Seattle while I sell my things and look for my van. This shift happened so fast, it made me really feel the gift of choosing love (stillness).
You see, when we get too caught up in the chaos of our mind, we begin to let it take over our entire being. We forget that these mind traps are truly only occurring in our mind, but the more we hang onto them, the more they begin to manifest into our actual reality. It seems scary, especially when we aren’t in a good frequency, but as these fears arise, the best thing to do is become still. To clear the clutter and focus on the beauty of now.
Sit with the thoughts and the fear, understand what it is doing to your spiritual and physical health. Cry it out, scream it out, let it out love.
Focus on your breathing. On the energy that is flowing within you and around you. The energy that makes you who you physically are in this experience. Turn off your phone, become mindful of the very sound of this moment. Accept it with love. Try and feel what it would feel like to be happy and have everything you could dream of.
Gift yourself in this stillness. And forgive yourself for the moments you didn’t.
This does not mean that everything you want comes forward in an instant. It doesn’t mean that all human problems fade away. But I guarantee you that it will begin the shift of energy that brings peace. In that stillness, you will feel the truth of life: we are endless energy.
This is where you begin again and rise in love.
Love and Light,